You are going to be ok.
I am sure you are angry for a number of reasons
1. self vs. self
2. who are you
3. protect self ≠ harm self
4. at what cost
5. at all costs
you are blotchy red in sunlight
and somehow, I want to call this
hope: can they see it, too? Your pain
and mine are true. Can they see
this fury, too?
I have to make it through
this workout for you
to show everyone (mostly myself)
that this pain this pain this pain this pain
this pain will be over-
come
strength cycle: bench press, row, curl,
slam the bar down and smile
to the soft-eyed trainer turned
unexpected friend across the gym
week after week I do this for you,
build you up, and hope you are
better than yesterday, though every day is
something else, another thing hurts
another body part burns
another another another day of tearing
down and all I can do is control
my breath even as you destroy us
I consider the distance between knee and heart
where the smallest dip of skin revels for love
even as sacrifice is somehow the only choice to become more of my/self
When I can finally sit, the pain hollows out under my turtle shell kneecap. I raise my armsand pull down on the overhead bar with all I can just to make you feel my never-giving-up-on-you.
