How do I describe how I feel to you when I don't have any words left For the hole caving in inside of my chest alone on the couch again I cling to the plushie to try to hold it up Lost count of the tears I've cried for them that they didn't deserve How do I describe how my skin aches to feel theirs brushing against it again How we used to know each other like that How we used to wake up next to each other and fall asleep in each other's arms Like nothing else mattered even when the world was ending outside How do I describe the feeling of how my fingertips still feel the echo of their shape How my ears still hear their voice almost whispering around the corner Or how my soul crumbles into dust without them near despite knowing that it wasn't ever real and never mattered anyway. How do I describe how there's no room in my heart for anyone else Or how much it hurts to know they're probably sleeping with the enemy and dragging my name through the mud And somehow still dragging me down despite the distance I was eclipsed by their desire to warm others' beds Left me alone, sick and reeling and in pain Because my body wasn't strong enough My mind too abstract and absurd Too much, and yet, too little How do I describe how it feels to be described by your love as a burden as broken bent out of shape unbearable and not worth trying for not even a friend after all these years How do I describe to you how that feels when they leave you for someone who looks just like you but whose body isn't broken and bent Not wracked nor rent Just free to be whomever they want to be Not too much, and not too little
A place for stories about chronic illness, disability, mental health, and neurodivergence.
