Finding the edges of functionality
when sick is not contagious
Body heaving with thought distortions
Incapable mind bile
Bitter
Desire to disconnect
Interactions inescapable
Shaking groggy fog sweat
Masking unwell wondering
if this is forever
and if not
how long
How long will it take to pass
How long before it comes back
Reality of psychic moment
unmoored from healing progress
Awareness not enough to anchor
Desperation to purge poison
Self-critical congestion
unable to breathe beyond belief I am a failure
Poison thoughts that are/seem true
Evidence of competency, capacity, capability
behind glass
Locked pharmacy cabinets
Museum of mind
Archive of experiential knowing
Logic impossible to access
to know/believe
Resistance to rest and acceptance
submerged by struggling
lack of control
self-blame
I can see the warning signs
The tickle in my throat in my brain
Mental repetition that signals sickness creeping in
The internal ache of ill arriving
Like a cold coming on
I can see it coming and I can’t stop it
The symptoms settle
I don’t fight the flu
Resign myself to its presence
Care for myself while it resolves
Drink more water
Get more sleep
A virus replicating internally
met with disappointment but not self-blame
met with blankets and tea and medicine and rest
Simultaneous knowing
it’s not my fault
Ease accessing gentleness
body illness acceptance
riding out
unpleasant painful scary
without added suffering
of self-judgement
This has taken practice
This is practice
I will meet my sick mind as I meet my sick body
no hierarchy of unwell
illness survival skills transferrable
disappointment without self-blame
blankets and tea and medicine and rest
Gentleness and acceptance
Resign myself
and ride it out
trusting in healing recovery
without the fear of forever
